I have said that a lot lately. “I get it now, I get it!”
I feel like there are two (to keep it simple) “me’s” that I continually encounter. There is the “me” that I know myself to be and the me that is growing and changing. One me thinks herself to be mature and reflective, sometimes looking down at the naïvety of the other. And the other, thinks herself young, spontaneous, spunky, and hip, all the while scoffing at how drab and boring the other one has become. Does that make sense or is that just to confusing? lol
Anyway, to be really honest with you, I never put much thought in what it really meant/felt/looked like to be a “wife and mother.” Granted, we did pre-marital counseling but it’s very easy to talk about life changes when they are hypothetical. So, now that I’m finishing my second trimester, I often find a friction between the old me and the new me. Think of tectonic plates shifting and rubbing and that would accurately describe the rumbling of change I’ve been feeling. For example, I used to think that ANYONE could “just do motherhood.” (It’s almost embarrassing to type). I didn’t understand the rush to “put your life on hold.” Women today have so many more opportunities than those of our parents and grandparents so the traditional model need not apply anymore, right? While I still think that you shouldn’t rush into significant life changes, I now know that you can feel that way and NOT devalue those changes. In fact, I have a new-found respect for the roles of wife and mother. I realize that it is not easy being the perfect wife, mainly because she doesn’t exist. I have also learned that there is NOTHING easy about this whole “motherhood thang” either. So much is out of your control in wither role, particularly the latter. Because of this, I am ashamed of how easy I thought it all would be.